Dear John: You Look Better on Paper.

Dear John,

I don’t even know where to start. I know this is a delayed response. It’s been approximately two weeks since I saw you, and just now I am writing this…

Let me put it bluntly. It’s taken me this long to write because, as it turns out, I don’t like you. And I hate writing to people I don’t like. Sure, you’re pretty cute… Okay, hot. And admittedly, I do love when you do that thing with your jaw muscle when you get emotional:

Why, what a good-looking facial muscle you have.

And yes, you have some jammin’ music (Let’s not kid ourselves. I listened to the catchy trailer song multiple times!) What can I say? I’m a huge Snow Patrol fan. But let’s not get off topic – you really do suck.

I spent a whole ten bucks and gas money to see you, and all you gave me was this weak, unbelievable love story. There was like, one inside joke between the “couple” you supposedly were a part of. You spent two weeks together, and you waited for each other for like ten years. You had no real conversations with each other. You were awkward – I felt uncomfortable just watching you attempt to interact.

And THEN the silly girl who was supposed to be marrying YOU married some dude that seemed like her uncle in the movie! And he was old. And dying from cancer. WTF? Oh, and you have a dad with autism? Thanks for the heads up – why didn’t you prepare me for this in the previews?! I actually cried at THAT part and not at any of the romantic parts since I was too busy wincing at those.

I know tons of girls still love you, even if everyone else agrees you were clearly a major FAIL. I, however, have come to the conclusion that you look better on paper. So to use a lame quote from some forgettable movie I won’t remember in another few weeks, I guess “I’ll see you soon then.”

Regards,
N

Sherlock Holmes Review: Robert Downey Jr. Rocked That British Accent.

Wondering if Sherlock Holmes is worth your money?

Let me assist you, since I saw Sherlock Holmes on Christmas Day. Yes, on the day it came out. I simply could not resist Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law, AND Rachel McAdams! When the chance comes, you jump at it. And in case you disagree or you’ve been living under a rock, check out the riveting trailer below. It was enough to make me leave the fam for a few hours on Christmas Day:

I thought the movie definitely lived up to my expectations, which were pretty high considering I’m a huge Robert Downey Jr. fan. (I was hooked after I saw Chaplin for the first time) As for his drug addiction, we’re all addicted to something, right? At least he got over his already and is acting in some amazing movies already. I also think he has excellent bone structure, but then again I have a natural affinity for these things.

I’d never read a Sherlock Holmes book before, but Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s original character seems too boring now anyway. The reviews I’ve read say that RDJ and Guy Ritchie, the director, really spiced up the original character for a modern audience. I actually think he ruined Doyle’s version for me.

Generally, the reaction seems quite positive. Sherlock Holmes is a trending topic on Twitter – there’s a general feeling of anticipation, excitement, and satisfaction with Downey Jr.’s portrayal from consumers, at least. The Times Online doubted that the on screen charisma was enough for an audience to want to see again and again (as in sequels). I disagree – although the chemistry/bromance between Downey Jr. and Law was a bit awkward at times, it was still very entertaining. The Wall Street Journal Blog, Speakeasy, reported that the “The Warner Bros. film… took in $24.9 million on its opening day, according to early estimates from Hollywood.com. In second place on Christmas Day was “Avatar” (Fox) which brought in $23.5 million.” Well deserved.

Verdict: See it. If you are an Arthur Conan Doyle fan, it’s a new twist on the Holmes you love. If you are a RDJ fan, it’s just another brilliant performance.

“No girl wants to marry someone who can’t tell if a man is dead or not!” – Robert Downey Jr. in Sherlock Holmes