Pole dancing classes are growing more and more popular. These classes take place in a studio, presumably with poles (which I hope they disinfect regularly). Enter females who are there to rock their favorite pair of going out heels and perform mind-boggling stripper moves in front of other girls with similar personality qualities (or for their boyfriends after the class is over). Oh, the glory – doing what strippers do in clubs without receiving money for it! In that respect, it seems like an internship for university credit – you get the experience, but you’re paying FOR it instead of getting paid (Hello, I could use those $1 bills! Laundry’s killing me).
Let’s re-cap: You are half-naked… exercising in heels… and paying MONEY for it. Sounds like a nightmare I had last week. (This isn’t the case in all classes, but still.) The whole concept of pole dancing classes seemed a bit silly to me. This is why I never thought I’d see the day when I myself would A) watch a pole dancing routine and B) then consider the activity an art form.
Seriously, I now think pole dancing belongs in the Olympics. And some people would agree with me! Namely an association called World Pole Dance Sport & Fitness. They even have a slogan. And if you promise not to laugh, I’ll tell you what it is. PROMISE? …They are “Opening closed minds.”
But having Pole Dancing in the Olympics wouldn’t be THAT crazy. There’s already a World Pole Dancing Competition. And it’s not your average half-naked woman who takes part in it. You have to have some serious strength and flexibility. Check out the video below! I apologize for the horrible video quality, but my mouth dropped (and I’m guessing she had the same effect on all of the guys in the front row!)
How the hell is she not falling off right now? How can she hold herself on the pole with just her armpit? MAD skillz, that’s how.
And just think of the impact on at-home pole sales after pole dancing is an acceptable Olympic sport. It won’t be just your weird kinky neighbor that has one in the middle of the living room. We’ll probably see those annoying online TV advertisements for The Magic Bullet, followed by the Complete Pole Dancing Kit, and then your standard male enhancement commercial. To help you visualize this phenomenon, I FOUND one amazing pole dancing commercial!
All jokes aside, this type of pole dancing obviously requires dedication, talent, and strength. I apologize for underestimating its exercise and aesthetic value! Now the first step toward legitimacy would be to put more clothes on… then maybe people will take it seriously because they will actually be able to concentrate on the physical finesse it takes to perform those moves, rather than… other things. What do you think?
Hot sweat on my flushed face. Cheeks ruddy, limbs trembling. Jarring, slow to stop movement. A sigh escapes as I let myself into my apartment. Inexplicable. I am spent. I am exhausted, shaking, trembling. The warm air from my apartment settles over me in a daze. I massage my aching calves and lay into a yoga stretch on the living room floor. I reach. Every fiber of every muscle, yearning to be unwound. It is 2AM; some will still feel taut in the morning. I walk to loosen, to feel my body lengthen. I am elegance. I cannot feel the floor as I gracefully walk to the bedroom. My reflection in a wayward hall mirror reveals… that outward gestures never meant so little. To smile would be a mere formality for the tranquil power radiating from within. The sun is glowing inside me.