Sam Adams: Beer or Bro?

Imagine – you’re about to graduate from college. Future plans? Psh please. You’ve got an album out already! You rap about college life (the bros LOVE it), you’re captain of the college soccer team, you’ve got a record deal, your songs are #1 on iTunes, and oh yeah – you share a name with a great-tasting beer. Check Sam Adams out:

Let’s get one thing straight – I’m not huge on rap. I think the majority of Sam Adams’ success comes from the support of the new (at least to me) “bro-mmunity”. BroBible that, or let me explain it to you from my own observations.

Everyone knows a bro. They’re average-looking males in college who only talk about the sex they aren’t having/girls dumb enough to sleep with them (whom they then degrade), overused movie quotes, and getting blackout drunk enough to piss their own pants. I’m not even exaggerating. Although I think some parts of this new male adolescent sub-culture are pretty hilarious, I can’t help but be offended by a lot of  their terminology. I’m sure it’s in jest. (But if it’s not, then I really hope there are no bros elected to any position where they can have any impact/effect on well… anyone.)

The only females they interact with apparently don’t mind referring to themselves as “slampiece69” and have an IQ below that of an inanimate object. After slacking off at life for as long as possible, putting off STD treatment out of pure denial that “bros” can even get diseases, acting like they are the only people on their college campus worth knowing, and putting BRO in as many annoying BRO-tastic words as possible, its clear that bros just want to live the good life without regard to anyone else. Oh hey Sam Adams! I forgot this post was about YOU:

You can see that bros are crafting a new, even more impossible definition of what it means to be male in today’s society (as if there weren’t enough stereotypes in mainstream culture as it is). Otherwise, I think they’re pretty harmless. Aside from the few stupid people who actually take Ned’s Younger Brother’s advice seriously and act like “bros” in real life. But I don’t know one female who would tolerate being called a slampiece. Or one intelligent male who would use the term.

One thing bros are REALLY good for is amusement purposes. I can’t wait to see these lost bros eventually grow up! For as long as possible, I imagine they’ll find ways to avoid getting married and having a steady job. Then lo and behold, sometime after daddy’s money runs out, they’ll end up buying a van with extra storage underneath the seats and a home with a two car garage in the suburbs.

I can’t wait for the female counterpart to bros to become popular, if it ever does. Any idea of what the female equivalent of a bro would be?

I’d like to salute you, whoever showed me the double meaning of Sam Adams. Now I have the opportunity to confuse people with my copious amounts of cultural knowledge. “The beer? I love the beer! I just bought a six…OHHH, the bro rapper from Boston!” Double pow.

Advertisements

19 responses to “Sam Adams: Beer or Bro?

  1. Haha, funny stuff. I’m pretty sure Ke$ha is gaining female bro status. her songs are corny, awful, electronic, without talent and talk about drinking and screwing anything that moves. In a few years she will be so beat up that her and the bros can sit together and talk about the good times they used to have – like people still stuck in high school for the rest of their lives.

    http://retortnation.com/

  2. I wonder what the female counterpart would be, that’s sort of a terrifying thing to think about. Does the world really need more?

  3. Pingback: New bright mighty buggy

  4. this guy is fucking awesome

  5. I’m just an old bro but think this “Bro” trend is hilarious the way you all feel about it and depict it!!! Being a somewhat easy cute nice term it could have some worthwhile value in new modern life as well as its female alternative counterpart perhaps called the “Sis” or “Wom” culture trend?!? Nevertheless keep up the good hilarity and help get America back to decent survival for all Bros and Sisses!!!

  6. interesting…especially since i just blogged about sam adams myself.

  7. Great article. I loved it. Thanks.

  8. hilarious yet so true!…

  9. Well this is a concept, so no one should expect all the details to be there. And only 1st year work?
    Awesome.

  10. very funny!

  11. Wonderful post, I like your impressive blog, found you on FP.

    Please visit my interesting training blog.

  12. Nice post, please do post more such posts!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s