Imagine – you’re about to graduate from college. Future plans? Psh please. You’ve got an album out already! You rap about college life (the bros LOVE it), you’re captain of the college soccer team, you’ve got a record deal, your songs are #1 on iTunes, and oh yeah – you share a name with a great-tasting beer. Check Sam Adams out:
Let’s get one thing straight – I’m not huge on rap. I think the majority of Sam Adams’ success comes from the support of the new (at least to me) “bro-mmunity”. BroBible that, or let me explain it to you from my own observations.
Everyone knows a bro. They’re average-looking males in college who only talk about the sex they aren’t having/girls dumb enough to sleep with them (whom they then degrade), overused movie quotes, and getting blackout drunk enough to piss their own pants. I’m not even exaggerating. Although I think some parts of this new male adolescent sub-culture are pretty hilarious, I can’t help but be offended by a lot of their terminology. I’m sure it’s in jest. (But if it’s not, then I really hope there are no bros elected to any position where they can have any impact/effect on well… anyone.)
The only females they interact with apparently don’t mind referring to themselves as “slampiece69” and have an IQ below that of an inanimate object. After slacking off at life for as long as possible, putting off STD treatment out of pure denial that “bros” can even get diseases, acting like they are the only people on their college campus worth knowing, and putting BRO in as many annoying BRO-tastic words as possible, its clear that bros just want to live the good life without regard to anyone else. Oh hey Sam Adams! I forgot this post was about YOU:
You can see that bros are crafting a new, even more impossible definition of what it means to be male in today’s society (as if there weren’t enough stereotypes in mainstream culture as it is). Otherwise, I think they’re pretty harmless. Aside from the few stupid people who actually take Ned’s Younger Brother’s advice seriously and act like “bros” in real life. But I don’t know one female who would tolerate being called a slampiece. Or one intelligent male who would use the term.
One thing bros are REALLY good for is amusement purposes. I can’t wait to see these lost bros eventually grow up! For as long as possible, I imagine they’ll find ways to avoid getting married and having a steady job. Then lo and behold, sometime after daddy’s money runs out, they’ll end up buying a van with extra storage underneath the seats and a home with a two car garage in the suburbs.
I can’t wait for the female counterpart to bros to become popular, if it ever does. Any idea of what the female equivalent of a bro would be?
I’d like to salute you, whoever showed me the double meaning of Sam Adams. Now I have the opportunity to confuse people with my copious amounts of cultural knowledge. “The beer? I love the beer! I just bought a six…OHHH, the bro rapper from Boston!” Double pow.